We
are reproducing this Mr Roger’s article especially for grandparents who in
their interaction with their grandchild(ren), can sense mad and angry behavior.
There is much to be angry about these days and there is so much anger all around us. Even though this article was directed at parents, it
certainly applies to us, the grandparents and great-grandparents of the world. Although the article may seem more directed to
younger children, many of these suggestions will be appropriate for school age
children. We hope that these
wise words will help direct “the Mad” into positive actions and reactions.
UNDERSTANDING THE MAD THAT
YOU FEEL
(Reprinted with permission from the Fred Rogers Company)
Almost
everyone gets mad sometimes. That is just part of being human, whether you are
a grownup or a child.
When
do we get mad? Usually when we feel
helpless or left out or frustrated.
So
it is not wonder children get angry lot....and angry with people who are
closest to them, like parents and friends.
When
young children do get angry, they sometimes hit or bite or kick. That doesn't mean they are
"bad". That is just how they
show they are mad. They do not have words to tell us how they feel.
Human
beings are not born with self-control.
We have to learn what to do with the mad we feel. Learning to control ourselves is a long, hard
process. It happens little by
little. In fact, it is something we work
on all through our lives.
Children Learn
Self-control In Everyday Ways.
Find
time to listen to your child. That says
"I want to help you talk about your feelings--- the easy ones and the hard
ones."
Praise
your child for small moments of control, like for trying something hard, taking
turns or waiting.
Children
learn from your example. When you use
words to talk about your angry feelings, they see that there are things people
can do when they are mad that do not hurt.
Everyday Rules and
Routines Help Children Develop Controls.
Make
rules that are simple and clear. When
children can repeat a rule, they can remember better. Some families have rules like:
"You hit, you sit."
"Use your words, don't
hit."
"It's okay to be angry. but
it's not okay to hit."
Try
to stick to the rules. Rules help
children feel safe. But children will
test and challenge rules. Somewhere deep
within them, they are hoping that you will stop them from breaking the
rules. They know you will keep them
safe.
Children Get Scared When
They Are So Mad They Get Our Of Control
Try
to help your child calm down. You may
have to try different things to find out what works for your child. And that will change as your child grows.
When
children get angry, sometimes parents get angry too, and that makes the
children more upset than ever. If you
can stay calm but firm, your child may be more able to get back into control.
When Children Use Words,
They Are Less Likely To Hit
Children who can say, "I'm really mad" have a good way
to get their feelings out--through words.
Words help your child say what is wrong. Then you may be able to understand why he or
she is angry. Just knowing you care can
help your child feel better.
Talk with your child about different ways people handle their mad
feelings in everyday situations like in things that happen in school, with
friends, or on TV programs.
Children Feel Good When
They Are Able to Stop.
If your child is ready to hurt someone, try to be right there to
help her or him to stop. Then your child
will know what if feels like to stop.
Each time your child starts to hit or kick ------ but stops, your
child learns how good it feels to have control.
Children Can Express Their
Feelings in Ways That Do Not Hurt.
Children have lots of energy.
That energy can be so bottled up inside them that
it explodes into hitting and kicking. Help your child get out some of that energy
in everyday ways with physical things like:
- dancing or stomping
- playing at a playground
- pounding play clay
Children can find many ways to express all kinds of feelings with
creative things like:
- drawing pictures
- making music or making up songs
- making up stories or playing with toys
Knowing safe, healthy ways to show feelings will help children
through their lives.
